Was Gonna, Why Bother and #GSD

I’m attracted to doers, the kind of people who approach life with an attitude to get shit done #GSD, no matter what the challenges may be.

Colorado14er

I have limited tolerance for the “was gonna” mindset. This mindset leads to stories that begin with: “I was gonna do [X thing] but [insert bullshit excuse here].” This mindset may also lead to a lot of empty talk about what a person plans to do, yet those plans never get executed. In the failure to try to pursue goals, a “was gonna” mindset presents reasons, excuses that seem perfectly valid.

However, I believe that when we are committed to a goal, we will find a way to work toward it – not the excuses to avoid it. This may seem harsh, but life is harsh. We need to be mentally tougher than the punches that life throws our way.

My dad used to say to me, “Maria, excuses are like assholes. Everyone has one.” (In the video below, I talk a bit about his philosophy on excuses, and how we can incorporate it into our training – and life.)

My dad was full of gems like that. One of his favorites: “Maria, you are so full of shit, your eyes are brown.” Usually, he said this to me when I was giving him some bullshit excuse about a rule I had broken.

He was also the original “suck it up buttercup” in my life. (To my athletes: you have my dad to blame. 😂)

His tough lessons felt so rough when I was younger. I thought he didn’t understand how hard things could be. Now that I’m older, I realize his advice was precisely because he did understand how hard life was. He wanted me to be tougher than the obstacles I would face, so that I wouldn’t back away from challenges, but rather move right into them.

It wasn’t acceptable for me to be a “was gonna.”

There are obstacles in life that block our path. But, if we give in to the obstacles we’ll never know if we can get around them, go through them – or just stay where we are.

Why Bother?

In the midst of the COVID-19 pandemic and its consequences, it is a struggle to avoid the “was gonna” mindset and bullshit excuses that come with it. No doubt, many of us have had days where we’ve wanted to give in to the excuses. What’s the point, right?

  • Why bother to commit to my training when I have no idea when my next race will be?
  • Why bother to try to grow my business at a time when the endurance sport industry is shut down?
  • Why bother to care about other people when it seems like so many in our country have lost all respect and compassion for others?
  • Why bother to vote when the government seems so ineffective right now?
  • Why bother to shave my legs if I’m not going to see anyone? 😂

I could keep going with this list, but I’m sure you get the point – and I’m sure you have your own list of “why bother” questions. In my weaker moments, I have wondered why I should bother to continue with my goals.

I mean, I was gonna have an epic year of growth and progress in my training, my business and my life, but you know, COVID fucked that all up. So, I should just stop trying, right? I should just put life on pause until things get back to “normal”, right?

I have indulged in pandemic anxiety – like I’m sure many of you have. But, we cannot give in to it; we cannot wallow there. After all, what would be the point of that wallowing? What does that get us?

I’m not hardwired to stay optimistic in the midst of this shitstorm. I do not possess a predisposition that compels me to keep striving. Rather, to bother to commit to our goals is a daily choice that we make. We need to actively choose to keep our focus on what is in our control, without allowing anxiety and stress to consume us. This choice is harder some days than others, but it is the choice that allows us to live days with meaning, purpose, and fulfillment.

COVID did not crush our why. Only we can do that to ourselves.

Thanks to the pandemic cancelling my races, I’ve shifted my training focus to do scary shit and to get lots of vert training. #RealGoals

The Lessons From Mt. Massive

A few weeks ago, John and I summited Mt. Massive, a 14er outside of Leadville, CO. Every time I begin a hike up a 14er, there is always a question of whether or not I’ll make it to the summit. They are fucking hard for me for so many reasons.

Massive proved to be the hardest one I’ve done yet. We decided to take the “short” route. What I’ve learned is that short in terms of distance means you will pay for it in a different way: it will go straight up the mountain. Who needs switchbacks? Add to this some technical terrain, rocky paths, steep climbs, warm temps, and so many false summits. So. Many. Mindfucks.

Mt. Massive trail
The trail to the Summit.

As the air grew thinner and the summit seemed an impossible goal, I felt like I couldn’t go anymore. The hard terrain plus the temperatures caused an asthma flare up, and my entire body felt weak. I was letting bullshit excuses take front and center in my brain.

I saw the storm clouds gathering, so I told John to go on for the summit.

“Are you going to stay here?” he asked.

“I’m going to sit here and see if I can collect myself. I’ll either be here, or push on if I think I can,” I replied.

He went on. I sat on a rock, took some puffs of my rescue inhaler, drank water, and ate some pieces of a bar. I sat there for maybe 10 or 15 minutes, looking at the waves of mountains that stretched as far as I could see. Their stillness belies the great energy it takes to be in those peaks.

I wanted to be eye to eye with those tall girls. But, for a moment, I let my excuses cloud over my motivation. I was trying to find the reason to bother with the summit.

  • Climbing 14ers is John’s thing, not mine.
  • I don’t care if I make it the summit. It’s just nice to be out here.
  • This terrain is too hard. I’ll wait here.

I let myself wallow for maybe 15 minutes. But, then other voices began to squawk.

You have to TRY, they said. They were uninterested in what I was gonna do, but…. They wanted me to #GSD.

I looked at my GAIA app, and saw I was at 13,500 feet. I said aloud to myself: “Let’s try to get to 14,000 feet.”

Restating goals in more manageable segments can help us continue on when the ultimate goal seems unattainable.

I took one step after another, now feeling better thanks to that break. That’s another key lesson I’ve learned over the years: when you don’t feel great, or things aren’t going well, slow down, eat, drink and wait 15 minutes. It almost always works.

The terrain didn’t get easier, but instead of worrying about where the summit was, I kept my focus on one step, then another step. Slow and steady, I AM the turtle of the mountain side. (That sentence is to be said with much conviction!)

Eventually, I looked up from my feet, and saw John and the dogs flush with excitement from making the summit.

My dogs were mountain goats in another life.

“Did I do it?” I asked John, trying not to be overcome and weepy with the exhaustion–and the fear that he would say: “Nope, this is another false summit.”

“You did it!” he replied. RELIEF!

Making the summit that day isn’t the point of this story–it’s simply the happy ending. The point is that I kept trying because it was hard, because it was worth the bother, because I was gonna try no matter what that meant for success or failure.

The act of doing is always more important than the outcome. Doing is about the process, the moment, the learning, the growing. If I failed to reach the summit that day, I would be disappointed, but I would know that I gave it my best effort. If I had failed to reach the summit that day, I’d take what I had learned and make another go at it on a different day.

Failure is only permanent when we quit trying.

When we finally got back to the trailhead, I said, “Wow – that was hard for me.”

John nodded. “It was! Wasn’t it GREAT?”

Yes. Yes, it most certainly was great.

Anything worth doing will have challenges. It is precisely because of those challenges that we grow and thrive.

I continue to bother because I want to be the type of doer I admire. I strive to be the type of person who persists because the going is hard. I fall short some days, of course. Failure is an excellent teacher – and motivator. Whenever we miss the mark, we have an opportunity to learn from it, and to renew our commitment to ultimate success.

If our goals are big enough, they have a clear chance of failure. While that is a scary reality, the point of this process is to go outside of our current abilities to see what we can do! If we don’t risk failure on the way to achieving a goal, then that isn’t a goal – it’s just a thing that we are going to do.

So, as you face the myriad of challenges that living brings your way, face each of them with the courage to take one step at a time, to bother to invest in your dreams, and keep moving toward your summit.

You are gonna do this.

Did I make it?

2 Comments

  1. Ruth Ann Sellers

    I so enjoyed reading this adventure of yours. You are indeed an inspiration during these Covid-19 times. As a runner, I too miss the races and energy from the other runners. Going to a park to run, walk and just riding my exercise bike at times is so good for my mental well being as well. Thanks for your inspiration and for sharing your adventures. Wishing you all the best Maria!

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