At other times, however, doubt can be counter-productive. Perhaps we are afraid of failure, or we lack confidence. In these cases, doubt can prevent us from reaching our potential.
In triathlon, I have struggled with doubts of my ability. Most recently, these doubts have centered on swimming.
Growing up on the Southern New Jersey coast, I learned the basics of how to swim when I was young. I learned just enough to save my life, but not quite enough to constitute effective form.
I frolicked in the ocean.
I paddled in the pool.
I bopped in the bay.
Until about three years ago, I did not swim proper freestyle, you know, with my face in the water?! And, for all I knew, bilateral breathing could have been something that you did while birthing, bathing, or break dancing.
So, how did I go from swimming newbie to an Ironman triathlete?
Simple: Marathon running.
After I ran my first marathon in October, 2008, I realized I needed to give my legs a break. I thought, Hey, I’ll swim! My gym had a lap pool, and I figured I could try it out. I was a big bad marathon runner, after all.
How hard could swimming possibly be? Nothing like mile 24.
Ah, famous last words. I probably could have used a bit of healthy doubt at this point.
After 50 yards, I wondered why my legs felt like they were sinking.
After 100 yards, I was holding on to the wall for a few extra seconds to catch my breath.
After 200 yards, I wondered if I was even in shape.
I had just run a marathon, but you wouldn’t have known that if you had witnessed my huffing and puffing that day in November of 2008. Just four laps, and the doubts convinced me that I couldn’t swim.
So, that was the end of that…for a while anyway.
I ran my second marathon in March 2009. Thanks to the wrong pair of shoes and a wicked slope in the road, I contracted a bout of bursitis in my hip. Worried about gaining weight while I recovered, I realized I needed to find a suitable running replacement.
Around this time, John was preparing to race in his first half ironman. I thought I might like to try a tri. Not something so crazy as a half ironman, of course (ha! ha!)–but a sprint triathlon sounded about right. It was the beginning of April, and the opportunities would be plentiful soon enough.
But, a triathlon would mean I’d have to get back in the pool.
Could I swim more than 4 laps this time?
Almost immediately, the doubts returned. I almost gave up on my triathlon dream, but my stubbornness (and my fear of getting fat) pushed me back into the pool.
This time, John helped me out with some basic pointers. In just a few weeks time, I was able to swim about 15 minutes continuously. I was even breathing bilaterally! (I credit yoga pranayama, which is breath work, for my ability to pick up swim breathing so quickly.)
I wasn’t fast, but I felt confident that I could make it through a quarter mile swim for my first sprint triathlon. And so began my first triathlon season during the summer of 2009.
I did 10 triathlons that year, including 8 sprint tris, an olympic and my first half ironman. I also participated in a 5k swim. (I secretly thought John was trying to kill me with that one. Clearly, his plot was foiled by my stubbornness to never quit.)
Since then, my doubts about swimming have not been so much about whether I can swim a particular distance, so much as they are about how fast I can swim.
I’m a slow swimmer.
These doubts are not helped much by the fact that I swam four minutes slower at this year’s Ironman Lake Placid, as compared with my 2010 performance (1 hour 30 minutes versus 1 hour 26 minutes for the 2.4 mile swim).
I basically gave in to the doubts and accepted that I was a slow swimmer, not likely to see much improvement. And, while I thought I was working hard in the pool, I have no doubts that these doubts about my ability affected my effort level – even if it was on a subconscious level.
After my poor showing at Lake Placid this year–where I had hoped to swim a 1:20–I realized I had to change up my swim training, which had been lackluster to say the least.
So, I bought a a book with detailed workouts ( Swim Workouts for Triathletes -highly recommended!) and a lap watch, which allows me to accurately time my laps. Until now, I had been winging it, using perceived exertion, and maybe every once in a while, timing my efforts. While I was swimming masters-style sets, I let my doubts sabotage my efforts. I decided I couldn’t swim fast, so why bother trying?
In just four weeks of swiming with the new workouts and a lap watch, I’ve seen improvement. Case in point: the 60 second lap (50 yards=1 lap in my pool). This has been a source of consistent doubt in my training.
While I had been able to swim a single 50 yard lap in 60 seconds, I doubted my ability to consistently swim that pace over longer distances. For example, a 100 in 2 minutes, or a 200 in 4 minutes, or a 300 in 6 minutes, and so on. The longer the distance, the more doubt I had about my ability to maintain the pace.
In the last four weeks of swimming, I’ve found that I’m consistently averaging between 55-60 seconds for 50-yards when I’m working at a moderate intensity. And, I can maintain this speed across longer distances – 200’s, 300’s, 400’s and more. By holding myself accountable to the required effort, I’ve not only improved my training, I’ve also erased some doubt.
Thanks to my trusty Freestyle Solstice lap watch, I can no longer doubt the fact that I can consistely swim that fast (or faster if I draft smartly) for a half ironman and maybe even a full ironman.
But faster than that?
Well, it was time to test my doubts. On Tuesday morning, I selected a workout from my book: endurance workout #5, advanced. This session called for the following:
- Warm up: 2 x 200 swim, 4 x 25 distance per stroke, with a 15 second rest interval inbetween each set.
- 2 x 300, moderate effort, 15 second rest interval (RI) b/t sets
- 4 x 50, 25 drill/25 build, 15 second RI
- 2 x 250, moderate effort, 15 second RI
- 4 x 50, 25 drill/25 build, 15 second RI
- 2 x 200 T-pace, 15 second RI
- 200 kick
- Cool down: 200 freestyle/backstroke
The big question mark for me in this workout was the 200 at T-pace. Based on the system this book uses, T-Pace comes from a test that involves doing 3 x 100 as fast as you can (with 20 second rest intervals), and then averaging the times across those three 100’s. That average is your T-pace. (If you do this test, be sure to warm up thoroughly for about 10-20 minutes.)
Based on my test, my T-pace was 1:45 for 100 yards. I seriously doubted that I would be able to maintain this pace across double the distance–and at the end of the workout!
I almost thought of just bagging it, giving in before I even tried.
There’s no way I can swim that fast for 200 yards. It was amazing I could even go that fast for 100 yards! The voices tried to convince me that this claim was true.
But, something clicked in my head, and that click convinced my heart.
Just try it, I thought. What are you saving it for? What is the worst thing that could happen?
In training, I don’t have to worry about a DNF. I just have to give it all I got. If I fail, so what? I will learn where my edge is. And, when I know where my edge is, I can more effectively pace myself across long distances during a race. With these thoughts, I convinced myself to go for 200 yards in 3 minutes and 30 seconds.
I did some neck rolls. I shook out my arms. If I were a race horse, I imagine I would have stomped my hooves.
I hit the split timer on my watch, and pushed off the wall. The first 25 yards, I swam a little frantically, until I realized that I was wasting energy. I slowed my stroke rate a bit, and concentrated on clean, hard pulls, and strong, efficient kicks.
By the time I got to the final lap, I was sucking air, but breathing regularly, not spasmadocially. I was anaerobic, but I thought to myself, You GOT this for 50 more yards… now 25 more yards.
I hit the wall, slapped my watch and looked. My watched blinked at me: 3:28.01.
“Holy shit! I did it!” I exclaimed. The older gentleman in the lane next to me was startled.
“Are you okay?” he asked.
“Uh, yeah. Just swam faster than I thought I could.”
“You always look like you swim fast to me,” he said. I puffed up like a peacock and smiled.
The rest interval was up and it was time to go for it again. I thought to myself, It’s okay if you can’t do it again. At least you did it once.
Ah, self-protection doubts. While they mean well, they are NOT conducive to reaching one’s potential.I pushed the doubts aside and focused on the effort.
I clicked the split timer, and dug in. This time, my stroke rate was more relaxed from the start. I concentrated on gliding smoothly, despite the hard effort. In the final strokes, I could feel my face glowing red-hot from the exertion, my shoulders burning from the lactic acid, and my lungs throbbing from the oxygen loss. It felt so hard, and I enjoyed the satisfaction of the effort.
I hit the wall, slapped my watch and looked. My watch blinked at me: 3:24.81.
This time, I kept the expletive inside, but I was amazed. Positively amazed I had swum that fast – not once, but twice. I even managed a negative split! Who am I?
With each stroke, I pushed those doubts further from my mind, revealing a new reality about my potential. It is inside of me, but I have to work hard to bring it out – both physically and mentally.
I learned (maybe re-learned?) a valuable lesson in the pool on Tuesday. I doubt I’ll forget it.
