The fog lifts to reveal the present moment

Stress-ZebraStripesThe last two months have been busy. In fact, I haven’t been this busy since I-don’t-remember-when (which explains the poorly updated blog as of late…). When I get this level of busy, and I have limited “me” time, I tend to get cranky, anxious, and fatigued.

Needless to say, a busy work schedule is not optimal for training. And, I’ve felt a little off most days, as if my body was not 100%, and my mind has felt foggy.

At first, I thought these feelings were simply a result of my I-can-do-two-ironmans-in-one-month stint. To be sure, that trick left a mark that required extended recovery. But, it is almost November. I did IMLou in August. My training has been cut in half.

So, I blame work for the limp body and the foggy brain. (When in doubt – blame “the man.”)

While my training is not full-tilt, I have been preparing for the Rosaryville 50k trail run on November 9th.  I’ve been running long on weekends, but not much of anything else. Some swims. Some bikes.

On the one hand, the lower training volume is good timing with the uptick in my work responsibilities. I don’t have to worry about juggling long days for Rowan University, with big training hours. But, in practice, it’s been a little problematic because training is the perfect “me” time. Indeed, the situation is dire, as I caught myself daydreaming about a long bike ride.

Um, what? 

Clearly, I’m missing my stress relief value. Long training hours are part of my stress relief, my therapy, my time when students and co-workers can’t reach me.

While I want to fully enjoy my long runs on the weekends, the stress of the week has been hard to overcome in the span of a few hours–until a few weeks ago, that is.

Two weeks ago, John and I took a trip to Vermont for a bon voyage party for our friend Jeremy, who is running across the country. (Want details about his run? Like his Facebook page!) The packing and preparing for travel stressed me out – along with the knowledge that I would be without wifi and hence disconnected from “all of the things I need to do”.

Oh. The horror.

For the past two months, I’ve been working every day, and there we were, taking a trip to Vermont, as if I had the time to spare.

My brain stressed. How am I going to get all of my work done?! 

Jeremy’s party was on a Saturday afternoon, so I woke up that morning prepared to do my long run before we left for the festivities. I had 3 hours and 15 minutes on the training schedule. To be honest, I woke up dreading it.

Ugh. I have so much to do, I thought. Do I really have the time to be traipsing about the Vermont countryside?

I’m tried. I’m whiny. I’m pathetic and need to get over myself.  

As it turns out, this run was the best way to spend my time, reset my mind, and recharge my spirit.

The first hour was a little tough. I chugged along, still feeling the stress of responsibility weighing my footsteps. I was going through various to-do lists in my head of what needed to be graded, what lecture notes needed creating, who’s training data needed to be analyzed, what chores remained undone, and so on.

Had I kept on in this manner, I may have missed what happened next. But, somewhere around 60 minutes into the run, I felt something change.

I felt the fog that had clouded my mind for months begin to lift. Fatigue was replaced with endorphin-inspired energy. I heard and felt the crunch of the dirt road under my feet. The crisp fall mountain air tickled my nose. The mountains rolled in the late bloom of the foliage season, and I rolled as one with them.

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Coming into a little valley in the Vermont Country side. I could look at this view for days.

It had been so long since I felt this deep of a release, and yes, regular readers of this blog you likely guessed it: I got just a little bit weepy. Or a lot weepy. Either way.

This. Right. Now. 

This moment right now is what I had needed and didn’t realize it. My happy weepies gave way to smiles as I continued to run through the mountains, with a clear head and a happy heart.

At one point, I happened upon a group of horses, one of which had a baby with her. I watched the mommy horse as she nuzzled her youngster.

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She’s not worried about what she has to do later in the day, the week, the month. And in that moment, neither was I. I was fully present, charging up the hill, enjoying the burn in my muscles and my lungs.

When I finished the run, my body was weary, but my mind and spirit were not. While I’ve returned to the same crazy hectic schedule I left, that run is enough to sustain me for a few more weeks. It reminded me that I don’t “have to do” the training that is on my schedule – I am lucky to do the training, to enjoy the moment, to share a tender moment in nature.

These days are blessings. I hold on to them to ward off the fog, to keep the anxiety at bay, and to remind me that there is no greater gift than the ability to enjoy the present moment–even if that moment is really really really busy.

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