I’m going mental

Overlooking the finish line at Lake Placid Ironman in 2009.

We are about 12 weeks away from the big show: Ironman Lake Placid. As I type that sentence, I can feel my heart rate elevate. A few weeks ago (7 to be exact), I wrote a post about how training for Ironman Lake Placid was changing our lives. At that time, I thought only in simple terms of time management. Ha! Silly girl. I didn’t even know the half of it when I wrote that entry. Way back on March 12th, I oh-so naively thought this journey was about managing time and training my body for the physical endurance challenge we had set for ourselves.

Well, the road to the Ironman is considerably dicier than that. Those are the easy parts. I had underestimated how deeply challenging the mental component of training for this race would be. With a little more than 12 weeks to go, I am taking the mental game much more seriously.

Over the previous 7 weeks, I’ve experienced two bike accidents that have rattled my confidence in my bike handling skills, a work and training schedule that gives me little down time (if any), and workouts that regularly (sometimes daily!) push me past boundaries that I had thought I could (or would?) never cross. Each of these challenges (among others) is about much more than the physical experience. In many ways, the physical aspect of training is the easiest part of this process.

Physically, I feel that my body is capable of crossing the finish line. Could I be faster, stronger? Sure. But, could I just finish in 17 hours at this point? I think so. So, while my training will continue to enhance my physical conditioning, at this point, the most important part of the game for me is training my brain.

I could turn this post into a fairytale, and write that I have surmounted the many obstacles that challenge one’s confidence and mental focus. But, I don’t think a sanitized description of my experiences is worth much, nor is it interesting.

Perhaps the toughest mental challenge I’m facing right now is the bike. Getting run off the road by a car has really forced me to face the dangers associated with road biking. I must be constantly vigilant to manage my fear and apprehension while riding – even on the most basic of terrain. I worry mostly about drivers who are on their cell phones or text messaging that may run me off the road–yet again. I have to consciously and forcefully push these images from my head. At my lowest moments, these fears make me feel weak, pathetic.

At my best moments, however, I like to think that by getting on the bike despite this fear, I am being courageous. Mark Twain wrote, “Courage is not the lack of fear. It is acting in spite of it.” Yes, I’m nervous when I get on my bike: cars, potholes, steep descents. These are the things that make me want to quit triathlon. What the heck am I doing on this road bike, anyway? Uh, aren’t I a runner? But, I energetically work to push these voices of doubt from my head.

I get on my bike and ride in spite of them. Every time I ride, I fight the voices that want to tell me I’ll never make it, that I can’t make it, that this is dangerous, that I’m a fool. I give my courageous voices a chance to explain the counter-arguments: I can make it. I am more than I thought I could be. Look at me DOING THIS!

Other times, when the fear seems to be winning the argument, I yell audibly at myself, “Stop it. Stop thinking about crashing, and start thinking about gliding. Don’t be a WIMP! STOP IT!”

Sometimes, I simply concentrate on my breathing: In, out. A pranayama yoga practice while riding. Ahhhhh.

And, when I’m not training, I reflect upon what the Ironman experience is about, and some of the reasons why I’m doing it: to feel my inner athlete, to raise money for the Iron Scholarship, to experience living.

A few weeks ago, I had the wonderful opportunity to spend some time with my 11-year-old nephew. We were watching “Classic Triathlon” on Universal Sports, which was replaying the 2005 Ironman World Championships. The race re-cap highlighted, as it usually does, the spectacular challenges that many of the athletes must face in preparing for the race. My nephew commented on how amazing these athletes were to climb over obstacles that would stop others in their tracks. And, I said, “That’s what the Ironman is about, Jake. It’s about doing things, feeling things, thinking things you never knew you could. It’s pushing past what you thought were your limitations, and becoming someone you didn’t know you could be.”

On July 25th, I’ll be looking forward to meeting the person I’ve become.

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