Do you see the metal man, thinking he’s all cool and fast and sleek with his uber aerodynamic silvery slick suit?
- Start screen on the CompuTrainer 3D software. This is how a virtual ride begins.
He’s a cheater.
That’s right, I said it.
He. Cheats.
The rider to the left is a representation of me. I’m not a cheater. I don’t have a cool metal suit. I’m vulnerable to metal man’s cheating ways.
If you don’t have a CompuTrainer, you may be wondering who this silvery swindler is. He’s the pacer included in the 3D software package that comes with the CT unit. For example, if you are planning a ride that will average 179 watts, you can set the pacer to 179 watts. Keep up with the pacer, and you’ll meet your goal. Sounds simple, right?
Well, it would be if he wasn’t such a cheater. Harumph…
I don’t know if he’s doping or if that super suit of his is race-legal, but I do think the folks over at Racermate should look into what’s up with this dude.
Why do I say he cheats? Well, for one thing, he never sweats. I guess the metal man stays cool in his silver can. While I, on the other hand, drip, salt, sweat from every pore, giving my living room (now called “The CompuTrainer Room”) the not-so-delicate smell of eau-de-locker room.
Second, he never appears to tire or feel ill, despite powering through some seriously aggressive workouts. He just pedals along. La-di-da. Me, on the other hand? I’m burping, gasping for air, grunting, screaming for my mommy–not necessarily in that order.
The clincher is that even if I am working at a higher average wattage than him, he still keeps up with me–or even PASSES me. It drives me insane! I’m working harder than you, dude! You should be behind me – or at least next to me.
You cheating sack of sterling. I should solder your joints stiff…
Oh, and he likes to suck off my wheel. That’s his MO. He drafts, and then passes me.
Hey, buddy, this ISN’T a draft legal event.
What am I left to conclude from all of this evidence, other than the fact that he is a cheater? And, you know, I’m not the only one who thinks so.
On Tuesday, my twitter friend indianabackdoc (a.k.a. Trevor) tweeted: “Okay the #### silver man on the compu trainer is a cheater.”
I couldn’t believe it! I thought I was the only one who thought ill of the metal man, who is supposed to be helping me.
So, I promptly tweeted back: “He really really is a cheater!! What’s up with that? ;)”
Trevor replied, “I really don’t like him. 🙁 He makes me feel inferior.”
What is the purpose of a pacer after all: to help you keep pace, not to demoralize you.
But, as much as I hate to admit it, the metal man’s cheatin’ ways are teaching me a few things.
He’s not defeating me, so much as he is pushing me to be better, to work harder. When he passes me, he reminds me of how bitter I felt last season, listening to the sounds of “On your left!” as biker after biker whizzed by me.
He teaches me that with hard work, lots of sweat, and maybe some tears and vomit, I won’t get passed by old men on their schwinn banana-seat bicycles this year. He coaches me to dig deeper, to get pissed off, to prepare to say, “Oh no, dearie, on your left!”
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Do you have something that gets you fired up and inspires you to push harder in your workouts–swimming, running, cycling, weights – whatever? Please share your tips to keep motivated through the most grueling sessions.
